I went for a job interview tonight at a club for a waitress position. I had to awkwardly wait in a VIP booth next to other girls waiting in their own VIP booths to be interviewed.. My interview was short and I’m not sure what to think of how it went. The other girls were taller and had longer hair and certainly looked the part. There’s only three positions going and six of us got interviewed tonight.. I find out on Monday but I’uno, I feel a bit bummed. Fingers crossed though, right?

Switching pillows every couple of minutes to whichever is coolest.. This headache may be the death of me. It’s rainy, horribly cold weather and I’m wearing underwear and a singlet. Yep. Definitely dying.

I just want to be a better person.. And I think I can/will. Whatever, you know what I mean.

My favourite person arrives back in the country tomorrow. It’s been a month! I can’t even explain to you how excited I am :3

I haven’t been this happy in so long.

Aw man, you for real? I suppose I deserved that, ahah. 

0: Height - 164cm. 
1: Virgin? No, sir. 
2: Shoe Size - Ladies 8. 
3: Do you smoke? Socially. I’m quitting altogether though. 
4: Do you Drink? Sometimes, yessir. 
5: Do you take drugs? Nope.
6: Age you get mistaken for - 18, depending on the day. 
7: Have Tattoos? Not yet. 
8: Want any tattoos? Yes. On my 18th I will have a beautiful tattoo on my left arm.
9: Got any Piercings? My ears twice. 
10: Want any Piercings? No thankee.
11: Best friend? Penelopenis. 
12: Relationship status - Taken. Very happily taken. 
13: Biggest turn ons - Love bites, dirty talk, controlling in the bed, teasing.
14: Biggest turn offs - Bad odour, feet, general rudeness. 
15: Favorite Movie - Emporers New Groove.
16: I’ll love you if - You respect me and accept me for who I am and who I want to be. 
17: Someone you miss - Harrison. He’s been in America for almost three weeks now and it’s killing me. 
18: Most traumatic experience - I’d rather not. 
19: A fact about your personality - I’m not so ‘happy go lucky’ as I put myself out to be. 
20: What I hate most about myself - I get so attached to people and quickly fret that they’re going to leave. I sometimes distance myself so that it won’t be as difficult when they’re not there. 
21: What I love most about myself - I’m not quite sure.. 
22: What I want to be when I get older - An Interior Designer. 
23: My relationship with my sibling(s) - My brother and I are extremely close although we don’t live together. 
24: My relationship with my parent(s) - I don’t live with either of my parents. I visit my mother at least once every two weeks and I talk to my father occasionally on the phone.
25: My idea of a perfect date - He would have slept at mine the night before and we would wake up to a lazy Sunday. We’d watch all the Batman films, eat a giant breakfast, wear nothing but our underwear and stay in bed all day. 
26: My biggest pet peeves - People who use their phones in the cinema, when people touch my feet with their feet, the sound of people eating.. There’s probably more. 
27: A description of the girl/boy I like -  He’s perfect.
28: A description of the person I dislike the most - He’s a lying, deceiving, waste of space who deserves to feel nothing but pain.
29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend - “No, I understand why you love him.. I’m sure he’ll change..” Enough said. 
30: What I hate the most about work/school  - Teenagers.
31: What y last text message says - “Goodnight, Mumma. Love yooou!” Shut up, we’re cute. 
32: What words upset me the most - “Shan, you’ve put on weight” or, “Shan, you’re just that misfit kid”
33: What words make me feel the best about myself - I just like it when people say nice things. Especially about how far I’ve come considering everything. 
34: What I find attractive in women - Beautiful hair, freckles, nice shaped/sized boobies, great legs, natural looking.. None of this bimbo nonsense. 
35: What I find attractive in men - Sense of humour, great hair, nice legs, cute butt, great taste in music/movies, not smug. 
36: Where I would like to live - I don’t want to stay in Australia forever, that’s all I know. 
37: One of my insecurities - My teeth. I have an overbite and a gap.. It’s hideous. We’re the same, man. I don’t smile in photos either because of my teeth. 
38: My childhood career choice - I always wanted to be a doctor!
39: My favorite ice cream flavor - Choc mint!
40: Who I wish I could be - Mila Kunis, ahah.
41: Where I want to be right now - I’m content with where I am right now. My best friend is laying a metre away from me and we’re at my place, just hanging out. It’s nice. 
42: The last thing I ate - Nachos. 
43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately - Dave Grohl. 
44: A random fact about anything - This took so much longer than I thought, Jake. I hope you’re happy! Ahaha.

Last night was entertaining. Our last high school party had a stereotype theme.

Thanks anon!

01: Tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now? Ah! Harrison, he’s just really likeable, I guess. We have lots of the same interests and we can easily talk. It’s never been awkward, even from the very beginning. I suppose what really got us talking is that we were both going to see Foo Fighters. We were at the same party and a little drunk.. Whenever we ran into each other we would high five and get stupidly enthusiastic. It was great.

04: What are you listening to?Long Road To Ruin - Foo Fighters. 

08: Sex on the first date? No, sir.

12: Is there something you would like to say to someone? Hey you, this is my greatest accomplishment so far.. Please just be proud of me and come to my graduation ceremony. I’m going to be the only student by themselves and I sort of need you right now to pull through for me.. 

16: Are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/ girlfriends? I wouldn’t say friends but we talk occasionally. It’s never awkward.

18: Ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand a chance with? You mean Harrison? Ahah. 

39: if someone could be cuddling you right now, who would you want it to be? You’re silly, this is obvious. 

43: Are you afraid of falling in love? Yes. Well.. Not so much the falling in love part but I’m scared of what I’m supposed to do with myself if it one day doesn’t work out. 

46: Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough? Hasn’t everybody? 

I’ve had a little bit too much red wine and not enough food today.. It’s gone straight to my head, heh.

In ten days we find out whether or not my Dad has beaten his cancer.. Considering how late they caught it and how he has been since his treatment ended, it’s not looking very positive. 

I called him today to see how he was. He wanted to stay on the phone longer than usual. He asked me lots of questions like how school is going, how work is, how my room mates are, how my brother is.. He kept putting off how he was until finally he answered with, ‘Not so good, Shan.’ He’s scared. He’s exhausted, in pain, physically ill constantly and showing no great signs of recovery.

We promised that we’d call one another every day until the day of his testing and take things from there. He said that he’d call me in class, straight after he got his results. It’s a waiting game.. It’s already been a very long waiting game. I hate this. It’s a waiting game on someone’s life. It’s not fair. He’s worked so hard to be where he’s at. He has a family.. He hasn’t seen his youngest child graduate high school. I’m his youngest child. He said to me today, “Bubba Shan, I can’t guarantee that I’ll be there to see you graduate and for that I’m so sorry.” I graduate in five weeks.. 

He’s scared, I’m scared, we’re waiting. I feel awful..  

Every time I use the gas stove I feel like I’m going to burn the house down..

All afternoon I’ve been having a hard time keeping myself together. I cry randomly. I want to do nothing. I feel like such a failure.. I thought I could do this.

Just let me sleep. Please.

Applied for work today #wee #work #need #money #brokeasfuck #thursday #selfie #lame (Taken with Instagram)

It’s almost 9pm and I’ve done no study. I binged tonight and I feel disgusting. Bleh, going to go have a long-ass shower.